So many restaurants, so little time

Far be it from me to do Zagat’s job for them, but as I suspect they can’t be bothered to tour Aleppo, I have no choice. I should also point out that I don’t have extensive experience in this. I’ve only been to a small handful of eateries, but I know enough to pontificate about which ones I would recommend. I just want to caution that if you take this post seriously, please be aware that there are other places that probably should have been mentioned. Anyway, let’s get this started.

If you’re wondering if there’s a way to dine somewhere in Aleppo where you can relive your prom experience, fear not. This city has it covered by way of Laguna. I’m not sure where it is, though, since I only pay attention to locations when I drive (which these days is never), but ask around. It’s popular. By day, Laguna is used as a swimming pool (smack dab in the center of the restaurant), but by night, it’s the restaurant. It has a stage with a house band performing nightly (I’m guessing), and you can reserve it for parties. Quite possibly the strangest restaurant I’ve eaten at here because of that “prom” feeling.

If you’re in the mood for generally crappy service, try the Pullman. Great food, but inattentive waiters (generally, not always). Now, when I say “the Pullman,” that’s the hotel’s main restaurant - down the corridor from the less impressive La Rose Cafe (distinguishable only for its decent hubble bubble). At the Pullman, I always order kebab halabi and almost always get my food a good 10-15 minutes after every one else who gets something that doesn’t require as much cooking. If you’re not famished, though, it’s worth the wait.

**Actually, I need to modify my disgust for La Rose. I don’t like it and never will, but to be fair,their food is good, too. I think it’s the ambience or the constant crowds (not good if you’re claustrophobic) that annoy me.

If you’re in the mood for “old world charm,” for my money, you can’t beat Sissi House/Beit Sissi which is somewhere near the city center. It’s a renovated old house (go figure) and has more charm than you can imagine. Some people aren’t as amused by that and feel that it’s overdone, but I like it. If it’s too much, though, you can always go downstairs into the Bat Cave and enjoy a drink. Sadly, neither hubble nor bubble is present downstairs, but in the center of the room is space for some Eastern ruckus. When I went, we had to make our own ruckus, but we were half plastered, so it was still enjoyable.

For a more casual dining experience, I favor Arabica (either one, although the one across from the Citadel obviously has a great view). Arabica is the place to go to rest your tootsies after some touristing and to meet up with friends for a snack (like the incredibly delicious foul/fool) and, of course, the inevitable hubble bubble. Actually, the best time to go to the Citadel’s Arabica is around midnight (during the summer). The weather is great and it’s not terribly crowded. Most enjoyable.

If you happen to be in Mohafezah and are looking for a good shawarma shack with great sandwiches, for my money you can’t beat Panino’s, which is luckily just a hop, skip and a jump from where I live. I go there every other day and only order one of three things (the only things I’ve tried from there), but it’s heaven every time. Just make sure you ask for khremtoum so that the sandwiches aren’t too dry. And the adventurous may even want to try out the brains they have (it’s from some kind of small animal).

I’ve only just scratched the surface of the restaurant scene here, but this post is bigger than anything else I’ve written on this blog, so I quit now. Sahtayn.

 

An interesting theory

For anyone who knows any better, there is a world of difference between Damascus and Aleppo. The former is more cosmopolitan while the latter just is. This is especially noticeable with chains (of restaurants and clothing stores, although Aleppo does have a Benetton). Anyway, I always figured that it was because Damascus is the capital city, so it gets the good stuff first and with Syria generally being a poor country, that means everyone else - even the financial hub that is Aleppo - must suffer.

A few days ago, I overheard a different explanation. It may not be true, but it certainly is interesting.

The story goes that 25/26 years ago, as Hafez al-Assad was visiting Aleppo, there was either an assassination attempt or talk of one. Shortly after that, he opened up a can of Whoop-teez on the Muslim Brotherhood in Hama, who apparently had connections in Aleppo. Ever since then, this fair city has fallen out of favor with the government. This is why, supposedly, a building that can get erected in six months down in Sham would take two years or so up here.

Supposedly, Dr. Bashar’s wife is from somewhere near here, so it’s slowly starting to change, but aside from that aforementioned Benetton store, you wouldn’t know it. For instance, if you need to get your “jajj” on, you still have to go to Damascus for “Kentucky Chicken,” although I would do so at your own risk. Supposedly it’s crap.

 

Animals in Syria

Time for another list, but this one’s even more useless than the others….

5. Dogs. You don’t see too many here in Aleppo, but it sure is nice when you do.

4. Camels. Supposedly they have camels-a-plenty in Palmyra, but I have yet to verify.

3. Cats. The funniest thing about the stray cats is that they’re all very dirty. They look like they’re covered in inches of dust. American cats would’ve cleaned themselves before they got that bad, but it’s like these cats just gave up on life. Maybe things would be better for them if they had Kitty Prozac.

1. This one’s a tie between the lion and giraffe, but you won’t get me telling that story just yet.

 

10 Things Not To Try Whilst Visiting Aleppo

1. Barbican. Seriously. Save yourself some grief and go to a restaurant that serves real beer if you’re inclined to indulge.

2. Dieting.

3. Crossing a street, except at mealtimes during Ramadan.

4. Hosting well-attended political discussions in your rented apartment. Attending is fine, but hosting is haram.

5. Feeding all the stray cats. They enjoy the trash in the cans. Anything more would be gluttonous.

6. The Internet at that place across from Berlitz. You know – the one with the Hezbollah flag in the window. Yeah, the Internet works there, but not when you want to use it.

7. Wading through the crowds at the Turkish Consulate on a Tuesday afternoon. (What makes Tuesday so special? Who knows.)

8. Getting up before 9 am.

9. Going to bed before 3 am.

10. Quitting smoking.

 

10 Things Every American Should Know Before Visiting Aleppo

1. There are now three (!) Hummers in Aleppo.

2. Aleppo is safe enough to walk around at 3 or 4 in the morning - even for women. Try doing that in a similarly-sized city in America.

3. If someone mentions a Christian place in Aleppo and you want to guess where it is, say Aziziyeh. Eighty-six percent of the time you will be right.

4. You’re not allowed to leave town until you’ve dined at Wane’s. Seriously. Ask the guys at Customs.

5. Despite Syria’s reputation, Aleppo is a shining example of how Christians, Muslims, Kurds, Armenians, etc. can live side by side in relative harmony.

6. The best jubneh in Mohafezah is found at the shawarma shack across from Dar al-Fiqr, not Sahtayn or Slav.

7. Remember that bumper sticker that said “My other car is a Porsche”? Here, their other mobile is an iPhone. And probably with a Bluetooth to boot.

8. The kids in Aleppo probably know more about Western music than you do. Don’t question it. Just understand and accept that reality.

9. Don’t believe everything you read (or hear) about Aleppo. Except that this city has the best food in Syria.

10. And last but not least, when you visit Aleppo, please. Keep your city beauty.

 

And in conclusion….

So, as I wind down my stay here in Aleppo (about six weeks to go), I thought it would be nice to rehash what I’ve learned - some of which I may have stated in a previous post. That may be redundant, but hey. History is supposed to repeat itself, too. And I wouldn’t dare presume to be more important than history.

 

What’s going on?

So, someone asked me the other day why this blog hasn’t been updated in ages. Well, to be honest, there’s nothing going on. Not so long ago, there was a car bomb in Damascus. It was literally all everyone (I knew) talked about for minutes here in Aleppo. That’s pretty much it.

 

Chew on this

The following is a translation of an inaugural speech. Comments to follow.

“To what extent are we democratic? And what are the indications that refer to the existence or nonexistence of democracy? Is it in elections or in free press or in free speech or in other freedoms and rights? Democracy is not any of these because all these rights and others are not democracy, rather they are democratic practices … we cannot apply the democracy of others on ourselves. Western democracy, for example, is the outcome of a long history that resulted in customs and traditions which distinguish the current culture of Western societies … we have to have our democratic experience which is special to us, which stems from our history, culture, civilization and which is a response to the needs of our society and the requirements of our reality”

 

MEPE MIA

            It’s been several months now since Tony Blair was appointed/annointed as the International Middle East Peace Envoy and what a few months it’s been. Why just last week, the BBC reported that Blair was on TV (briefly) expressing the same optimism that President Bush earlier commented on when discussing the talks between Israel and the Palestinian Authority. If all it takes to be the Middle East Peace Envoy is to react to other people’s comments, why, they could have just asked me. I’m sure my retainer would have been lower.

            To be fair, I’m sure that Blair’s new job is more complicated than it would appear. It might actually even involve some work, but one wouldn’t know it. It boggles the mind that someone so high profile has received such a (potentially) high profile position and yet he continues to be overshadowed by every else who visits the region. Is it wrong to expect Blair to trump Bush when it comes to peace in the Middle East? Maybe. America is still the one everyone looks to to solve those problems despite our waning influence there. However, one would do well to ask, then, why even bother having a Middle East Peace Envoy? I can’t help but wonder if this position was just an excuse to give Blair something to do besides watching Richard and Judy now that his most important years are behind him. If there is a valid purpose behind his appointment, then someone needs to start throwing “Bush’s poodle” a bone.

 

Thoughts on reactions to the Arab League Deal re: Lebanon’s President

            In response to the ongoing political stalemate in Lebanon, the Arab League came up with a deal to solve the crisis. I want to discuss the reaction of both Hezbollah and Syria to the deal.

            For its part, Hezbollah wants a deal that ensures it will have enough power to block any threatening legislation. I believe I’ve seen the number “33 percent plus one” batted around, which would make sense given that the passing of legislation requires a 67 percent approval in parliament. Now, lettuce return to the crucial part of that first sentence: “enough power to block…legislation”. Wouldn’t any political organization that subscribes to Realism? Granting such a request to Hezbollah, however, would undermine the already-twisted democratic principles of Lebanon. An increase in the mandated power of Hezbollah’s political wing would come at the expense of the other confessions; and while the lunacy of the confessional style of politics is certainly worthy of another post (or dissertation), it represents the only hope for a stable Lebanon. It cannot and should not be undermined for anyone.

            Another point to chew on is the idea that the Hezbollah spokesman has said that Hezbollah “cautiously welcomes” the deal but will not give the final OK until subsequent events play out. This puts the deal, which many would argue is the best hope for resolving the crisis, in a catch-22 that would only end by giving in to Nasrallah and his lot.

            Syria’s reaction to the deal is also worthy of scrutiny. It has chosen to back, however hesitantly, the Arab League deal. Pundits are arguing that Syrian acceptance is an attempt to ensure the success of the next Arab League summit which is scheduled for March and will be held in Damascus. Such thinking is in line with reports that Syrian Foreign Minister Walid Muallam was warned that King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia would not attend the Damascus meeting if Syria did not back the deal. This development begs the questions of why Syria, which no doubt would like to maintain some control over Lebanon, views the summit with greater importance. What is on the agenda of the next Arab League summit that, apparently, in the eyes of the Assad regime, can supersede Syria’s intentions in Lebanon? Perhaps this position is also meant to be a public display of the recent rapprochement (sort of) between Syria and the U.S.

            Incidentally, by way of underscoring how drawn out this stalemate has been, there have already been 11 attempts (with a 12^th scheduled for Saturday) to elect a new president. It’s like the local version of the Writer’s Strike in Hollywood, except more important. Unless you’re “The Insider” or any of those other insipid entertainment shows. And blah blah blah, the final point being that the political crisis in Lebanon ain’t over yet, folks.